Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Men usually have a name for their "man parts". I guess I will call mine "Vinny and Da Two Yutes" :)

   It is so cold, when I came to work this morning I saw a hitchiker holding up a photograph of his thumb.

   Hey Cougars, FYI: drunk h0rny guys will go home with anyone. You're actually not that special.

   all you ladies look better after some beertox...

   One day I will find a wife. Don't know who's, but I will find her...

   In Dumb People News: 3 Dudes tried to rob a Redbox last night for the Money inside of it..

   seriously people, we all have smart phones. Stop with the weather updates on FB...

   You ever had garbage in one hand but you accidentally throw out the thing that you want in your other hand? LOL. Anyways, the baby's ok.

   Tell me everything, so I can secretly judge you. - most people

   Beer is good, but beers are better.

   She charged me an extra $15 disappointment fee.

   Pizza delivery is no reason to put pants on.

   Shout out to trees. You shady motherf uckers.

   If sex is the only basis for your relationship, make sure it's good enough so that you never have to talk.

   This Jack n Coke tastes like assault charges.

   If you see a white guy in a sombrero passed out in the gutter today please make sure I still have a pulse.

   What happens on holiday,stays on holiday. Except for STDs, they will always come back with you

   if Taylor would learn to blow like a good all American girl, she'd never ever ever......have to write another break up song.

   Okay "beautiful" girls...be as narcissistic as you wish, yet remember, there was someone named Marilyn Monroe. And I promise you, you do not measure up.

   When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.