Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Roses are red, nuts are round, skirts are up, panties are down, belly to belly, skin to skin, when it is stiff, stick it in! Not that's a love poem!

   I ate a cigarette last night cause I thought it was a fry.

   The perfect day is one where the only decision you have to make is which drink to order.

   Let’s get married. Well not married, but let’s share our stuff. Well not share, but give me half of your stuff.

   wife doesn't understand the home improvement and beer monies come from the same budget

   I think that whenever you become a parent, doctors should just prescribe whatever pills you want.

   all these crazy a$$ nuts with guns are making the gun nuts look bad...

   I heard ove a million people attended Obamas inauguration and only 14 of them missed work!

   I hate people who talk about sex all the time!! Sex is a great thing, it's makes the world go round, without sex there is no humanity, how can someones think about sex that much!! That's why I never talk about sex.

   I bet Rihanna will be on the cover of Chris Brown's greatest hits CD.

   I think my Nintendo Wii character is depressed from my lack of playing. When I logged on he had a full beard and had a Nickelback shirt on.

   Wanna help me test out my new guillotine? I'll do all the hard work, you can just lie there...

   My legs always feel like jelly after sex. It must be all the running beforehand.

   I think someone may be sending me death threats. Woke up this morning with a Tesco burger on my pillow.

   Dear Gangsta: If you pulled up your pants a little you could run from the cops faster.

   Seems like you could save a lot of time if you just paired The Bachelor with The Bachelorette.

   We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can't someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?

   Starbucks really isn't that expensive compared to what Victoria's Secret charges per cup.

   So another shooting occurs in another College..... I dont know why we not making the bullets more expensive than college by now

   Grandma learned that 50 Shades of Grey... was not a book about hair colour!