Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If you don't put nipples on the letter o when there's two of them next to each other, then you're no fun and we can't hangout. B⊙⊙bs.

   I don't mean to brag, but after 30 years of marriage, my wife and I still have sex almost every night. We almost had it Friday night, almost Saturday, almost… ツ

   I've got a lot of respect for born again Christian women. God bless you all. (One less slut out there for me to compete with.)

   I want a monster in my bed, not under it.

   Wow... over 500,000 people attended Obama's Inauguration today.. and only 7 missed work

   why does every ginger thinks she looks like Daphne from Scooby Doo??

   Nothing is more conflicting to men than an ugly woman with a really nice a$$.

   I missed the zombie apocalypse um... er.... I mean Inauguration today...

   joy, now we get to spend the next 2 weeks hearing about the Harbaugh brothers...

   I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.

   who pays for the electric bill for light at the end of the tunnel??

   well, my wife got her annual breast x-ray today and my suspicions were confirmed. Slinkys...

   I hate when I’m about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirror.

   Major cold front heading our way with significant wind chills... shrinkage is imminent

   my brain is like a prison....has all those cells & they dont all get used all the time

   there another Harbaugh brother out there who the Bengals can hire? I'd even settle for a cousin.

   Baby, I would take a bullet for you... In Halo 4... Unless I'm on a kill streak.

   Being strong-willed does NOT mean I am a b itch. It means I am in control of my life, stick to what I believe in and do NOT rely on anyone but myself.

   Nicki Minaj, a judge on American Idol we are being Punk'd right?

   So thankful for Facebook! Otherwise I would have to call 563 people every morning to let them know that I just ate breakfast