Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Ever notice the roof of your car is the worst cup holder ever?

   presently poking others but your poke is important to her. Please stay online and your pokes will be returned in the order they were received. Approximate wait time is five minutes.

   This is going to make Thanksgiving uncomfortable next year at the Harbaugh house.

   I'm bored. I think I'll go to WalMart, find a great parking spot and sit in the truck with my reverse lights on for awhile

   This make-up sex stuff was pretty good until she poked me in the eye with the eyeliner stick.

   I bet the kids on Africa are really getting tired of all those leftover Patriots Championship t-shirts.

   Never underestimate my ability to make things weird for everyone involved.

   Rapper: " I'm killing snitches, then I smoke a blunt get high and F*ck they b*tches" *wins award* Rapper; "I just want to thank god..."

   If I had known life was going to be a test I would have cheated more.

   All the places that can be kissed can also be bitten.

   I love you but I'm not, "I want us to be miserable together," in love with you.

   MARRIAGE; Because your suffering doesn't have to end at work!

   I am just a girl standing in front of a stalker, asking him to leave her the hell alone.

   it would of been cool if Atlanta Falcons had won today....then the Super Bowl could be sponsored by the game "Angry Birds"

   I want an iPhone with BBM and a Nokia battery.

   Most people are going to hell, no doubt...but some of you will be used as firewood.

   Have you found Jesus? No? Me neither. I think we lost him near the border. God, I hope he's ok. He had like all the cocaine with him.

   I am the kind of guy who brings a gun to a pillow fight.

   Michelle Pfeiffer, Halle Barry, and Anne Hathaway all portrayed Catwoman without flaunting their buttholes at people even once. Unrealistic.

   People who feel sorry for themselves never feel sorry for anyone else.