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It's really kind of sad we live in a country where we are the most entertained, yet the less informed. 
Why is everyone making a big deal out of the lance armstrong thing. It's not like he cheated at a sport or something jeez...
my water bottles are so thin it feels like I grabbed a water balloon with a cap. Hand me that piev
Just saw a homeless woman eating cat food. I really felt bad for her. She couldn't even Instagram it first.
It's true. Girls just want to have fun. And ruin your life in the process.
You people freak me out talking about stalking. Especially you.... sitting there in your blue & white striped polo shirt reading that book on your couch.
If you can fold a fitted sheet, you're obviously a witch
I'm in my underwear on the porch in a rocking chair drinking my coffee................. Man,, Is this Cracker Barrel packed this morning or what?
Just so you know the new rules to CPR,,,, there's no more blowing, just pumping,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I know,, It's like the romance is gone
Sorry I just woke up from a coma,,, and OH MAYA GOD,,, They got the date wrong
Wife yelled my first, middle and last name this morning! Not sure if it was the dirty underwear left on the bathroom floor, the unmade bed, the dirty clothes by the bed, or the dirty dishes . I think I had better go run errands.
Obama reminds me of ThomasJefferson. He liked some dark meat, too...
The US beat Canada at hockey this week... In retaliation, a new Nickelback album will be unleashed.. We brought this upon ourselves America.
there's a million fish in the sea and I'm just worm to attract them!
Did you know..... President Obama's inaugural parade will feature eight floats, including a Hawaii float to honor his birthplace, an Illinois float to honor the first lady’s home state, and a Kenyan float just to mess with Republicans
I vehemently deny that I have ever used Status Enhancing Drugs (brb, Oprah is calling...)
he asked to be the little spoon... so I went home
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope and no jobs... Please don't let Kevin Bacon die.
The difference between being married and being single is when you're single you don't have to listen to anyone snore while not getting laid.
I'm lonely, but not 'talk to people' lonely.
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