Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Say what you want about Lance Armstrong, buy I'm proud of him to finally having the ball to come clean.

   Lebron better than Jordan? Ha! Yeah right. Holla at me when Lebron saves the looney tunes from an alien race.

   Found a gray nose hair. Transformation to Gandalf: 1% complete.

   why do people post a pic of every meal that they eat? no one cares...

   I hate when people only talk to me when they need something.

   Wouldn't it be great to hear a priest say "been there, done that" in reply to your confessed sins?

   If Lance Armstrong and Oprah was ever to have a baby they would name it Dope-rah

   got diagnosed with 12 different mental disorders. my day in a nutshell

   Dear apartment next door, you can either have an infant or a puppy, kill one.

   this girl I went out with must be really strong. She said once she got drunk in college and pulled a train...

   I'm not pressing S H I T for English!!!!!

   "Hold on, I look like S H I T." {grabs Chanel bag}, "OK, better...Let's go" - Some hood rat chick

   You mean you guys don't write for TV sitcoms either?

   ".. So he sayeth unto me 'Taketh NyQuil with the Wine and Ye shall feel the path with your thoughts and hear things with your vision.'"

   It's kind of cool how khaki Dockers and ugly people found each other

   There's creepy, then there's going to a strip club wearing a windbreaker

   I'm gonna wear dockers with my Hawaiian shirt to work this Friday

   There isn't a non-creepy way to compliment a girls feet.

   My mom just called me and told me she has a new boyfriend. Django could be a white name too, right?

   Few things raise suspicion like a black guy in a Mercedes with a ski rack.