Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   My wife sure gets a kick out of my restless leg syndrome.

   I find it a little insulting when I do a facebook search for an old friend, and I get a message stating, "Sorry. There's no account set up for this person who obviously has a life."

   I like big books and I can not lie.

   Math problem: If you have 3 cats and you buy another 2 cats, how long before you die alone?

   I really want to get an iPad mini, so that at night when I'm alone and I'm feeling worthless, I can say to myself: "but I have an iPad!" and then I"ll feel better.

   Lance Armstrong probably still has both balls too.

   I don't use a lot of hand sanitizer because I'm a germaphobe. I just like everyone to think that I'm hatching a dastardly plan ツ

   The nerves of this kid to park his Smart car in between a Handicap spot!

   God created r acism when he decided to create different r aces.

   Ladies please stop looking for a man to sweep you off your feet, there are no brooms that big.

   Lance Armstrong probably didn't have the balls to admit he was using drugs

   Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.

   I'm having a love/hate relationship with my antihistamines.

   Lance prolly lied about the whole Cancer thing just to cover his doping...

   Today, I just appreciate my middle finger. It always sticks up for me ツ

   The day she agrees to a nal, I'm renting two industrial spotlights to shine into the night sky to celebrate the 'grand opening'.

   I was nervous coz I was about to meet her family and she told me to just be myself and I sure will miss her.

   Well, now I don't know the name of any professional cyclists.

   If I were a cop, I'd get a badge tattooed on one of my buttcheeks and press it on the window of anybody I pulled over.

   Planning to take my relationship to the next level this Valentine's day but I couldn't find a store that sells wedding rings for cats!