Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   @illuminatedwndr: I love you, but I don't 'Spell your name out with refrigerator magnet letters' love you

   It's 8:35 AM and I've already sat on 3 different toilet seats. My morning in a nutshell.

   Whenever I see someone in a Smart Car, I expect to see a kid with a remote control nearby.

   If you tickle me, I'm not responsible for your injuries... or the stain on your carpet ツ

   Sugar Babies --- College girls hooking up with older men to pay their tuition.

   Which came first, tired or cranky?!

   i wonder if Rihanna was watching Twilight when she wrote the lyrics "shine bright like a diamond"

   "One Direction" has 12 letters. So does "gayyyyyyyyyy". Coincidence? I think not.

   The number of "followers" you have does not make you better than anyone else. Hitler had millions, Jesus had 12.

   WARNING: Objects in profile pics are not as pretty as they appear.

   When the "M" of MTV was for music & not for maternity... Those were the days

   Most girls: "I hangout with guys, there's less drama." Me: "I hangout by myself. There's no drama

   Taylor Swift set to release a new single about her her next boyfriend it's entitled, "You saw it coming"

   Lance Armstrong admits to cheating. Can you believe the ball of that guy?

   "You've changed" ... No, I think the proper term is "I've stopped trying to please your ass."

   When asked, "What is the best way to end an arguement with your wife" , I usually say a Hit & Run! She'll never see it coming!

   sometimes I put hot sauce in the ketchup bottles at work

   Allergy season must be near... blooming idiots are everywhere

   If anything the Lance Armstrong confession confirms my belief that exercise leads to deceitful behavior.

   Forgive me Oprah for I have sinned. This is my first confession in twenty years....