Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Just once I would love to get a junk email that read..."P*nis englargment?? No way dude! You are set! Forget I even sent this message." Is that too much to ask???

   1) Jodie Foster never spoke the word g ay. 2) If you didn't already know she was g ay, you're an idiot...

   You need one of those jackets that make you hug yourself real tight!

   Scientific fact: Laughing for 10 minutes adds 1 day to your life. You're welcome all my future 120 yr old FB friends!!!

   Getting Sticky Buns from a bakery is awesome. Getting Sticky Buns from the toilet seat at work... not so much ツ

   I keep putting things in the wrong containers in the kitchen. I don't think it's Alzheimers. That's a different kettle of fish...

   Today's big idea - Coffee eye drops

   Today's 2nd big idea: Low fructose corn syrup.

   I'm watching that episode of The Cosby Show where Theo poisons Rudy because he's jealous of her moustache

   Hey Canada,,, Are you sure those were YOUR geese?.. They weren't as polite and well mannered as I would expect

   You know you are in deep financial crisis when you wife is giving you Bl@wjob just because you can't afford to buy yogurt.

   Jingle Jangle With The Camel, is my favourite Arab Movie.

   If there is a draw on ITV's Splash, it will go into sudden death. Michael Barrymore will host. (What, too soon?)

   The human body is amazingly intricate,, and astonishingly beautiful,, for a turd factory

   Hey look, Grandma!.. You made the cover of "Didn't Make Me Any Cookies Weekly" again....

   Vegas has the Ravens as a 9.5 point underdog against the Pats but the Ravens are a 3 body favorite in possible murders.

   I honestly never believed that whole story about Lance Armstrong walking on the moon.

   In the popularity contest that is Facebook, I'm currently in 609,264,326th place, slightly higher than in real life. Win!

   sometimes you have to delete your fb so you don't get caught

   SWAG = Secretly We Are Gay