Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I never fart when I'm with a woman. I'm saving myself for marriage.

   Attracting attention is easy. Attracting something meaningful is another story.

   Most women want to tell the truth about their age, but they just can't believe it themselves.

   I wonder if Steve Jobs is in hell and they've given him a BlackBerry.

   Honey maybe you will feel better if you poop.

   My liver is so black it talks during the entire movie.

   Be original. Don't just walk up to a girl in a bar. Pay bouncers to clear a path & cartwheel up to her. If rejected casually cartwheel away.

   Always make sure you let her know how you feel.. Well, at least what you think she would want you to be feeling.

   If there is anything to be gained this year, I hope it's not weight.

   Go ahead lady, make a scene about how fast the bus driver is trying to get to my stop while I record it on youtube and titled it, Uppercutt Part II - "the story of the left hook"

   I have nothing against Texas. But if Houston doesn't clobber New England today, I'll burn all my ZZ Top albums, forget all about The Alamo, and never eat chili again! Kidding! (About the chili part.)

   So Chris Brown and Rihanna are now Engaged and they have a song together called "Ain't nobody's business." Well, I just wrote my own song called, "Ain't Nobody Cares!"

   That awkwar d moment when your last name is White but you're Black and when your last name is Black but you're White.

   I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that's not my problem.

   Laughing for 10 minutes adds 1 day to your life. Follow me and you'll live forever!

   the death rate should be near zero with all the FB praying going on nowadays...

   What's the difference between The New England Patriots and a p0rn star? The p0rn star doesn't ch0ke on the big ones.

   Ever fart so hard it makes your teeth chatter?......well this time her p ussy farted it made my teeth chatter too

   Hopes being pregnant gives Kim kardashian the incentive to stay with a man for more than 72 days

   Looks like Seattle can't win with only 11 players. They need a 12th man