Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   if the Miss America contestants all represent their home state, why are they all white and skinny??

   After all that crap I cannot belive they are back together... Who you may ask....The cheeks of my arse

   the hardest job in the world has to be a toothpick salesman. I still have half a box left I bought in 1997!

   Cleaning out my closet while listening to "Cleanin' out my closet" Priceless.

   50% of marriages end in divorce and the other 50% end by a "relationship status" on facebook.

   I love honeymoon but without the marriage.

   I was going to post a picture of the beautiful sunrise this morning but I forgot I'm a lazy sob...

   people who say same exact are dumb stupid...

   One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep $hit.

   It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.

   Women may not hit harder, but we hit lower.

   Free to good home: One useless black & white neutered female 9 year old cat. So useless has let 2 mice in this year alone. Doesn't even have to be a good home. Mediocre will do!!

   Real men kill spiders for their women with no goddamn backtalk.

   Whoever invented self checkout greatly overestimated the general intelligence of the human race.

   You know those bugs that fly into your windshield? Those were the married ones.

   How dare you not notice me ignoring you. - women.

   Whoever said, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach" clearly had no idea how to give a stellar blow job.

   Why is it that society gives us the impression that all Brazilian chicks are sluts?

   Just because you've had a lot of lovers doesn't automatically mean you're an ideal one.

   The bigger the ass on a woman, the bigger the morning log in the toilet. Keep that in mind.