Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Hot chocolate is just normal chocolate that has a modeling career.

   Maybe Taylor Swift should try dating an Arab. It might not work out but at least he'll make sure she doesn't live to write another song.

   I'm not saying I'm lonely, but sometimes I call random numbers for human contact.

   You know that one person you're always thinking about? They don't.

   The difference between men and boys, is men take responsibility for their actions…boys still ask mama if it’s ok.

   Only the married squirrels hurl themselves under car wheels.

   2 wrongs always equal a great night.

   I see your rules, and raise you my complete disregard.

   Dear FB friends, I need your help... I am having a hard time finding the right words to tell my wife (tag wife) that I am cheating on her and have a girlfriend... Any Suggestions???

   someday i'll get that abacus. you can count on it

   The spider in my shower was probably relieved to get washed down the drain after the view of me he got from that angle.

   My favorite vegetable is bacon...

   my husbands winter wardrobe is 50 shades of grey sweat pants...

   "I'm just sayin. It'd be better without the raisins." ------[ Everything with raisins ]

   I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend…until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a parking lot...

   OK FB friends, quit asking questions on FB. You know how the internet works, don't you??

   If you can't say anything nice about someone, then say it very vaguely and put it as your Facebook status ツ

   That incredibly relieving feeling when you have to fart after having the man flu for 4 days, and its only a fart!! Fart roulette.......

   At least I have all day sober to Sunday up.....

   That's right sexy fella, I see you over there, looking at me, locking eyes with me, pointing at me, whispering to the policeman "that's her"......