Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm trying to save the world from the dangers of alcohol, one drink at a time.

   How many times does one need to watch BET before their credit score is affected?

   Do these binoculars make my hot neighbor look fat?

   Who do atheists thank for Friday?

   if your FB name includes your college degree initials, you are a douche...

   Step aside coffee… this is a job for booze.

   I hate boyfriends of women I have a crash on. So pardon me while I hate on your douchebag of a boyfriend.

   B is the best letter of the alphabet: Boobs, Buns, Booty, Booze, Beer, Bourbon, and Bacon.

   I might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer but I will still cut you.

   i can come up with plenty of ways to do nothing.

   The most beautiful women are often the most insecure, so don't forget to treat them like garbage too once in a while.

   When I stay at a woman's house that I want to see again I always "accidentally" lose something there like my phone, my hat, or my dignity.

   Girl, I hate you so much its like you're my girlfriend.

   Okay class. Today is our field trip to the Planetarium. Did everyone remember to bring pot brownies?

   Justin Timberlake's grown a beard. We get it, Justin. You're edgy. Now get back to writing songs about how a girl made you cry

   Researchers say men are 3 times more likely to be the first to say "I love you", than women. In our defence, ladies, we don't mean it

   I was going to post a picture of the beautiful sunrise this morning but I forgot I'm lazy...

   my package finally came today. this is awesome....it means I have bubble wrap to play with

   The Mayan calendar was just a countdown for us to do something Epic.

   It's spooky how many kids look like their owners