Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If they can put a man on the moon, why can't they put beer in a tit?

   I've been living dangerously for the last couple of weeks. My girlfriend got a new cookbook for Christmas.

   Just thinking about how Notre Dame and most married men have a lot in common. How you ask, Bpth are always trying to score but not making it to the endzone often enough!!

   The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I'm the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don't feel trained for this, and I certainly didn't sign up for the position.

   the next Call of duty will only have knives and bows amd arrows. Thanks Obama!

   Don’t try to rush me while waiting behind me at a Redbox, I will read what every movie is about…twice

   I spend more time hitting the damn snooze button than I do snoozing.

   sometimes the truth is hard to accept so I live in a dream

   Healthy Marriage Tip #43: Apologize for the dream your wife had about you. Yeah, I know... apologize anyway ツ

   With science makes odorless chemicals, why again don't we have odorless alcohol?

   When I run out of whiskey I tend to drink non-alcoholic beverages like beer, wine & rum.

   not sure if I miss my girlfriend, or just really horny.

   Nice to see the government screwing with the public's intelligence about the movie 'Zero Dark Thirty'. Too bad it's total fiction.

   This hood rat on Maury found out dude wasnt the Father, she ran so far backstage when I turned the Channel she was on 106 & Park!

   Always leaves my toenail clippers open, never know when an intruder might show up

   A cop stopped me and said "License please" so I offered him a donut and said "I donut have one" and we laughed and laughed and now I am behind bars.

   Nobody gives a about how amazing your relationship is. You're on Facebook. It can't be that good.

   That a wkward m oment when you realize the last stair you thought was there isn't.

   Christina what happen baby? It's like those fish nets caught a whale. Christina, when did you go from "genie in a bottle" to "pigs in a blanket"?

   Oh s hit! Tylor Swift broke up with her boyfriend last week. Better brace yourself for a man-bashing breakup album anytime now.