Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   smoking a blunt with Justin Bieber.....

   I trust an Instgram photo about as much as I trust those attorneys that advertise during soap operas...

   I hate when people come over and they're like "Do you have a bathroom?" No...we sh1t in the yard!

   I'm a passionate supporter of things that don't inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort ツ

   Beauty is directly correlated to 3D...Darkness, Distance, and Drunkedness.

   Name 2 things that get smoked in bowls?.......Marijuana and Notre Dame Football

   If Mariah Carey can give birth to twins and still reclaim her toned tummy, surrely I can also get rid of this holiday season beer gut and reclaim my six pack.

   I'm anxiously awaiting my front row tickets to...what goes around comes around

   Our country is broke and overweight. Yet we still pay $$ to power up escalators? Makes sense.

   bored? send a text to a random number that says "I hid the body" what's next boss?

   Just dismissed my low battery warning while watching a p orn. It's a fight to the finish now.

   This just in: Notre Dame has made adjustments from last night’s scrimmage and is looking forward to the real game tonight…

   Let’s have a moment of silence for the brave bud that got smoked by that fagatron Bieber.

   No one in my office is hitting on me. Seems like it's high time I shave my mustache.

   I like big brains and I can not lie.

   There comes a time in the day, when no matter what the question, the answer is booze.

   We've got our p orno turned up really loud so the neighbours don't hear us having sex.

   People who buy secondhand phones off amazon and eBay don’t realize they’re interacting with a lot of genitalia bacteria.

   You can take your "third time's a charm" and shove it right up your "I deserve a second chance."

   I will always be there for you if you never need me.