Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I lose a lot of arguments just so I can go back to my nap.

   I had a minute left on the car vac timer, so I vacuumed out my dandruff. If that isn't efficiency, I don't know what is.

   If she looks beautiful even when she's mad, you're screwed.

   As a kid if a boy liked a girl he'd poke her, call her dirty names & pull hair until she cried. Odd, as an adult girls beg guys to do that.

   I hate buying feminine products! How am I supposed to know if this is the right kind of broom or not? ツ

   So hockey is back, now is time for the fans to go on strike

   I would of had a better comeback but I left the come back in your mother

   When I die, I want my tombstone to have an iPad built into it. So all my friends and family can write on my wall.

   My father is always advising me to find a girl who has the same belief of me as the family does, and then marry her. Why would I want to marry a girl who thinks I'm an idiot?

   Roman Numerals? What are they good IV? Absolutely nothing..

   I just misspelled a word so bad that auto correct blew milk out its nose.

   Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you & they're stabbing it? No? How about now?

   When someone yells "Shotgun!" I yell "Rosa Parks!" sit down and refuse to move.

   I'll start to believe video games cause people to be violent when I see someone get arrested for killing a pig by slingshotting a bird at it.

   A girl can post a pic on fb where she looks like the south end of a north bound mule, and there will be some guy who'll post, "You're beautiful!"

   I can't express my level of disappointment when I'm scrolling and see "Robin Hood:" and it's "Prince of Thieves" and not "Men In Tights"

   Apparently Monica Lewinsky can never be a doctor because she sucked as an intern.

   My wish for you is to get genit@l w@rts from Honey Boo's momma. But I mean that in a nice way...

   Guys... Controlling your woman when she is mad is easy... Just tell her she's overreacting. She will then realize you're right and calm right down.

   I kissed with an ohmless girl last night............. There was very little resistance