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No, Microsoft, I'm not sending an error report because snitches get glitches 
Whether you order a six-inch or a foot- long, both you and your sandwich artist are thinking about diks for at least a second.
Guy with the mothball smell p ost, you sir are one sick puppy.
Roses are red, violets are blue... How much do your facebook friends know about you?
TODAY'S GOSPEL: The best way to get along with people is to not expect them to be like you.
Yes Justin Bieber has millions of followers on Twitter. BUT just how many of those millions are not idiots?
Today's date officially marks the twelfth day of Christmas....So, except for the Nine Ladies Dancing, Eight Maids-a-Milking and the Five Golden Rings...it's all going back to Wal Mart. Especially that squawking, annoying, Partridge in a Pear Tree.
I'm in the dog house.... so I guess doggie style it is....
My husband is so nice to our new cleaning lady. The house gets so hot during the day so he lets her wear a small skirt and a bra.
Wow! Bethenny Frankel just announced she's getting a divorce! Wait, who the eff is she again???
some people take so much s hit from me and are still in love with me. it's great!
Eating an apple a day for an entire year can make you turn into an iPhone.
Boy, if it keeps snowing, someone's gonna haveta shovel the darn driveway. I think I'll text her ツ
Two things some people can't live without, God and the internet, are everywhere and all-knowing. But only one of them gives you naked woman anytime you want.
found out through fb hockey is back... I never knew it was gone
Well, it's looks like a, 'brush my teeth on my shirt sleeve and head to Walmart' kinda day ツ
whenever I run I play Avici pandora in my pocket and pretend I'm running to Pacha
Roses are red violets are blue, porn hub is down. So your mother's Facebook will do
How to have a successful relationship - Don't mention your EX every other minute.
I am ugly but not "use a a celebrity pic for my profile pic" ugly.
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