Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I've done a lot of stupid stuff in my life, but at least I've never signed up at the gym in January.

   How is Hillary's head? Not as good as Monica's

   I bet Kim Kardashian & Kanya kid will be nicknamed "KKK"

   wonders what guys did before baseball was created to tell how far they had gone with a girl.

   No Microsoft, I don't want to Send an Error Report. Snitches get stitches.

   Why is it called common sense? it should be called sense because it's not that common any more

   Talk to me long enough and you'll realize why I'm single.

   Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection except for one. He's never gonna give you Up.

   I was trying to make a sandwich. But I'm all out of vodka.

   Dear young guys who don't know what Cougars are: Let me introduce myself.

   I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to bang the hell out of her.

   I didn't lose a follower I gained an enemy.

   I've run out of fingers & toes to count the reasons of why I'm going to hell.

   My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.

   Anyone else uncomfortable with how many nipples dogs have?

   No Microsoft, I don't want to Send an Error Report because I already have a inferiority complex.

   If he worked my clit as good as he works his Xbox controller, I could care less how much he plays that game

   Every Saturday night I go to the same casino, use the same machine, use the same numbers and it spits out loads of cash. You'd think they would call it something cooler than "ATM".

   whenever I walk onto a room the first thing that comes to my head is "I'm better than everyone in here"

   Diet is going great! No hostess snack cakes at all this year