Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The next time someone says to me "This too shall pass" they'd better be talking about a joint.

   I Met A Good Friend Through A Fake Friend

   I used to be Pro Life until I found out Kim Kardashian was pregnant!

   from now on, I only drink Gluten free beer. Just kidding, I don’t know what Gluten is but I bet it’s delicious!!

   Well, the New US Congress finished its first real day of work. There's probably a motion on the floor now to take the rest of the year off.

   Shine on you crazy cubic zirconia.

   Q) What did the snail say when rode on the turtle's back? A) WHEEEEEEEE!!!

   Well it turns out, the answer wasn't at the bottom of the bottle, I guess I'll have to check in the other 23...

   so I just watched " Limitless" for the 1st time with my girlfriend. She said " Wouldnt it be great if there was a drug that you could accomplish anything and just b a little sick afterwards?"..i was like, there is, its called OPIATES...

   LIKE if you’ve already broke one of your New Year’s Resolutions.

   People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

   Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.

   People say I’m sarcastic but I’m just investigating the effects of irony on morons.

   Throwing away a good relationship because of problems that can be worked out, is like throwing away a new car because of a flat tire.

   Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”

   I made my bed, I've failed countless of times by not taking any seats. But I will surely get out my bed every morning and try again, cuz failing is a stepping stone to success. Failure, is not falling down of the bed; but remaining where you have fallen.

   Top Reasons I Procastinate... 1.)

   If you think your cat loves you, just remember it would probably yawn and go to sleep while watching you getting murdered with a rake

   A wise man once said........................... nothing,,, He just let her vent

   Les Miserables is French for "It's two and a half hours"