Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   God grant me the serenity not to beat the holy living bajeezus out of those who piss me off and the wisdom to know this will make a funny story later.

   MDS stand for multiple dumbass syndrome

   Lord....Please send ALL the morons below me back to school!!

   Just because you're a perfectionist doesn't mean you're perfect.You might be a neurotic perfectionist.

   well that's about as frustrating as a Jehovah's Witness trying to tell a knock-knock joke.

   Opportunity only knocks once. If there's any more than that, it's prolly a Jehovah's Witness ツ

   Advice please. I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had “you win” written on it. Do I celebrate with white wine or red?

   A Jehova Witness tried to tell me a "Knock Knock" joke, but got all mad cause I didn't answer him.

   Damn this brotha is BLACK! Looking like 2:15 in the damn morning!

   WOOHOO! Passed my AIDS test! Got a 74%!

   TOP 3 signs I need to lose weight this year.......3-The horse on my Polo shirt is real 2-When I take the elevator, I have to go down 1-A picture of me fell off the wall

   OMFG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!

   A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man

   I'm sitting next to a fat bulldog and you have the nerve to blame ME for that stinker, woman?.....(well played I say to myself).

   My New Year's Resolution is to be less funny on Facebook, and more cryptic and dramatic instead. By the way, today was the WORST Day EVER!

   We should agree on removing Boehner from government. He is an idiot, and his lacky supporters in the background need to push him off a cliff.....waisting American time only to finally pass the tax Bill!

   Q: What is the difference between a Hell'$ Angel and Jehovah's Witness? A: The Hell'% Angel comes to your door and tells YOU to "F*&%k Off!!"

   i wish hot people stalked my life instead of losers

   The scary thing is that Snooki's tattoo is more manly than Bieber's.

   Who says I want a better view of her heart you moron, when I unbutton her shirt, the only view I am interested in is of her magnificent twins.