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This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news. 
Everyone loves "sexy mom" except her kids
my new years resolution is to keep my my new years resolution!
Where the heck is that "Polka" button on Facebook that everyone keeps talking about?! I have my accordion and I'm ready to boogie.
Anyone else agree that the facebook community is comprised of 98% m0rons, and the other 2% haven't figured out a way to log on?
if we've learned anything from kanye west, its that hes definitely going to name his baby blue ivy
boy, the day flys by when you do something you love. Like sleep till Noon...
2013 is the chinese year of the snake. I hope I can quit putting dragon on my checks
Kim and Kanye respectfully request as little privacy as you can give them during this blessed event...
Kanye West must feel very conflicted right now. He's excited Kim is pregnant, but deep down he knows Beyonce had the best baby of all time.
Meant to tell my kids "Good night, I love you", but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school on Wednesday because this is bulls**t."
Do you like Dragons? Cause in a minute I'll be dragon my balls across your face.
Women come in two types: batsiht crazy and hot enough to ignore the batsiht crazy…
If I see one more girl create a Facebook profile for her unborn child, I will not hesitate to make a profile as a coat hanger and poke it
The meteorologist on the news gives the forecast then says, "People don't know the difference between weather and climate." Yes I do: "Oh look, a ladder I don't know weather I should walk under it or climate." See? Told you.
Everything is pointing to a major worldwide economic collapse in 2013 which will cause a rise in prices, unemployment and homelessness. As a result, there will come a sharp increase gunfire, looting, burning, rape, and murder. Happy New Year!
Peope say to me, "hey bro why no tattoos?" I say, "would you put bumper stickers on a Ferrari?"
call me an optimist, but I always viewed my cup as half full…of Vodka!!
Every time I see a continuous smile on a person's face, I get paranoid that they might be insecure with no money or nice partner.
My car has a luxurious heated steering wheel (in the months of June-August)
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