Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "You are what you eat" That's funny, I don't remember eating a legend lately...

   To all my Friends: I need to be more active & spend less time on the computer, so December 31st will be my last day on Facebook for the year . I will return at the start of the New Year on January 1st. Thank you for understanding, I'll miss you all dearly

   If you live by the sword, I guess that's pretty cool. I live by some trees and other houses

   I once stayed at an Amish Motel 6. They would have left the light on for me if they had one.

   If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple 'Thank you.' is all I need! Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business!

   Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take, I'll be watching you. - Dog

   I tried that "Take a laxative to stop coughing, you'll be afraid to cough" remedy. It was going great....until I sneezed.

   Just because I tell you that I love you does not mean I really do. I might be drunk. Or just really, really horny.

   All these New Year's facebook invites. Go see a $hitty band 2,000 miles away. A smoke filled rednekk bar 1,000 miles away. Or stay home and get sauced with a hot blonde in a Frederick's outfit. What to do what to do....

   Actually Ke$ha, I think the rest of us don't want to die young. But you should definitely go ahead without us.

   My favorite dish at restaurants is the wi-fi password.

   As long as we don't let our feelings get in the way, this could be the start of something beautiful.

   Being heard is something, but being felt is a whole different thing.

   Funny how people who keep saying "I'm always there for you" are usually the ones responsible for your miserable life.

   Girls who pretend to act stupid because they think it's cute need to be slapped in the face with a brick

   One of the hardest things to do when you're playing toys with a 5yr old is to let him beat up ur superman action figure with the robinaction figure he's using without explaining to him why that would nevereverevereverfuckinghappen....ever

   Bourbon is the elixer of the gods. Therefore, I'm not an alcoholic - I'm divine.

   Nicki Minaj looks like an unlocked character that you get on the last level of Mortal Kombat.

   OK girls...we aren't ignoring you, we are not being disrespectful, we hear the phone ringing, we hear the text notification!! We still love you, thank you for all you do.....So go shopping or get your nails done, go out with the girls or get something wax

   I bet if we got congress high there would be so many solutions and a new budget for Doritos