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My love for bacon is kinda like diarrhea... I just can't hold it in ツ 
Dear Slut: If you need 2 different guys to date at the same time, please don't expect me to be one of them.
The reality is that a lot of girls out there just aren't prepared for a nice, decent guy.
How to be happy on social media- Ignore what you don't like!
Why pay to watch the new Twilight movie when setting yourself on fire is free?
If you ever decide to commit suicide by jumping from a building, the least you could do is wear a cape first.
Slow drivers need to get out of the fast lane. Some of us are in a hurry to get home to be ignored by our wives.
Step 1: Attach a mustache to your TV. Step 2: Drink every time it lines up with someone's face.
How long do you have to leave the dishes sitting before they finally give in and wash themselves?
Never hold your nose and cover your mouth while sneezing as it can blow out your eyeballs.
i just found out liquid dayquil has alcohol in it.. no wonder I feel so good
You lose the right of being a man when you hit a woman
My wife is a mute. She communicates by embroidery. It's her own version of sign language, sew to speak....
Next time a stranger talks to me when I'm alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper "You can see me?"
I don't know why Kim Kardashian never speak much about her brother Kim Jong-un the North Korean president, now since they launched satellite into space, I bet they will soon be beaming "The Kardashians" from the space.
The Reality is: Nice and Decent is Boring. Girls want to be excited, thrilled, Led and still believe that their mate listens to them. Don't hate the players, work on your game.
The reality is men have no idea what women want
when a woman gets what she wants, she no longer wants that...
Forget the Mayan end of the world. Y2K is still on,just it was on XP....it's still downloading....
Farted on the bus, 4 people turned around, felt like i'm on "The Voice"
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