Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I go for religious girls cause if they believe that stuff imagine what you can get them to do.

   I watch horror movies to make sure I still have feelings.

   MERRY DEBTMAS EVERYONE!

   How much does it cost these days to make someone love you?

   I should've asked for eight maids a-milking.

   Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".

   Dont mistake my kindness for blindness.

   When you love someone you take interest in their interests or at least pretend to.

   Today is Boxing Day in Canada. Or, as we in America call it; WTF is Boxing Day??

   Wanna have crooked green teeth? Move to the UK, you wont be out of place there

   I'm re-enacting Titanic today, I'm at the part where Jack is in his underwear on the couch eating Corn Flakes and watching Storage Wars.

   According to my wife, if farting was a crime, I'd be on death row.

   I want all my family and friends here in N.Carolina to show your support for all our friends up north and join me for a "BLIZZARD" at dairy queen

   This man's so impressed with my driving that he got next to me just to show me he's not wearing a ring. Thanks hon, but wrong finger..

   n't it about time The Kardashian's have an STD Named after them ?

   A friend told me "I think your brain is 80% movie clips." Without knowing what to day I started quoting Dumb and Dumber....AND TOTALY REDEEMED MYSELF!!

   It's the end of the year, as you know you have to spend all your Flex Spending Account Funds or lose them. Here's a list of the procedures I am thinking of having done... Mustache Implanting, Sideburn Bedazzling, Sun-visor Implant, & Eyeball Swap.

   Oop's just dropped my nuts!!

   says: Well, everyone was dreaming of a white Christmas and well, we got it... Just on a side note - I AM NOT IMPRESSED WITH YOU DREAMERS. NOT IMPRESSED AT ALL!! :(

   Can't believe i've made it all week without stabbing anyone in the neck with a pencil...