Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I hate going to bed on an empty v@gina :(

   Yes I'm that a$$hole who refuses to stand up and clap in a room filled with people standing and clapping.

   I like my men like I like my ice. Crushed and melts away within a reasonable time so I don't have to deal with it.

   I don't leave any room for error, I make mistakes in whatever room I'm in at the time.

   Can't we just sit and drink somewhere until they build a bar around us?

   I see your narcissism and raise you Vaingloriousness!

   What does 'Serious Misconduct' mean Is it fun? It sounds like fun Anyways, HR want to discuss it with me.

   If I was a terrorist I'd want 100 sluts instead of virgins in the afterlife. I don't want to be a "disappointing first" for that many women.

   I just found a jar in the fridge, with expiry date 21/12/2012. I looked at it twice, and indeed, it was mayannaise!

   I hate it when you wake upon mid-dream, and don't get to find out what happens next.

   Glad to hear we've all been picked up for another season.

   there an article somewhere online about how to tell your cell phone it only has a few days left to live?

   wondering...is it ironic to call a hug at the end of the first date the "kiss of death"?

   If we can afford to have armed guard for our money at the banks, surely we can afford to have armed guards for our kids at schools. Where are your priorities people?

   I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup,,, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever.

   "extra cheese" should be the average amount of cheese on everything.

   Does anyone know what an 'Ofah Queue' is? Because that's what my husband said he got me for Christmas this year.

   I survived the Mayan Apocalypse and all I got was this lousy hangover.

   There are 3 types of females in this world. There are ladies you introduce to your mother, there are women you introduce to your friends and there are girls you show the door to

   Can't wait for the Cirque Du Soleil show based on the Steve Martin film The Jerk. I'll be 1st in line for Cirque El Jerk.