Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   My coworker, a Jehovah's Witness,, wouldn't attend the Christmas luncheon.. She took her bonus check though,, Maybe she's donating it to her church.

   I saw an ad on craigslist today that said “free firewood,, you collect it”.. So I wrote the guy and said “Bud, you just wrote an ad for the woods”

   I know I can go to NAPA to buy truck nuts... But where can I go to get my Prius vajazzled ??

   I think they should move the movie "2012" from the Science Fiction section to the Comedy Section.. It is already 21st of December in Australia and nothing happened.

   Every time I'm with you, I feel like I'm in lord of the rings cuz you're my precious

   Did you ever wonder if aliens secretly film people having sex, then make them into boring nature shows to show their kids on the Human Planet channel?

   It would suck if the world ended tomorrow simply because Jersey Shore's last episode is tonight!! No more Snookie!!

   Boring Apocalypse thus far. Seems like Ryan Seacrest should be hosting a "2012 A-Rock-Alypse Eve" show from Times Square or something.....

   Gonna be honest here since the world is ending: "Sailing" by Christopher Cross makes me emotional.

   End of the world headlines... National Enquirer: O.J. and Nicole, together again

   I'm gonna survive tomorrow cause I got a pack of sensu beans and all 7 dragonballs. I'm good.

   The end of the world is like a snow day for adults.

   Yo, Australia! Is the apocalypse happening? I need to know if the orgy I'm currently having is validated or if it will just make my husband upset.....

   I was just stuffed in to a bag by a fat creepy guy in a red suit. alright! fess up! Who put me on their Christmas list?

   When you are mocking somebody, you are just trying to get rid of something embarrassing within you that makes you doing so.

   Man I hate Taylor Swift..I mean don't you wanna put her over your knee and spank her azz,,,her tight, firm, round azz,,,and pull her hair,,,her soft, flowing beautiful hair,,,man I love Taylor Swift.

   My next plan for Christmas shopping would be buying a couple of laptops to like my status on this ...

   Well, if this apocalypse doesn't work out, I hear there's a Jamaican calender that ends on 4/20 next year....

   As I scroll through my FB feed this holiday season, I find myself overcome with emotion and love. And then I remember I've had a lot of tequila and eggnog and I pass out on the floor.

   Sleeping naked tonight. I'm leaving this world the same way I entered it. Naked.