Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Just checking if anyone on the other side of the planet has been blown up yet? Maybe been hit by a flaming meteorite? Mayan zombie hordes roaming the streets? Nope? Just want to know if I have to set my alarm to get up for work tomorrow...cheers

   Armageddon's all around us, the Mayans say prepare to fight. So if I gotta die I'm gonna listen to my body tonight. They say two thousand-one-two party over, protect yourself...so tonight I'm gonna party like it's two thousand and twelve.

   I found out two interesting things last night: 1. Sometimes bowel movements float. 2. My neighbours have bought a new hot tub.....

   Your bra is the biggest liar I know.

   A lot of people will disappoint you in life. Don't let any of them be you.

   Don't worry about the world ending later today... it's already tomorrow in Australia.

   Enough of the end of the world posts! Smh

   The Mayans calculated the sunrise over South America not Australia

   My stomach just Yelled at me ... Thru my Butthole ! Ouch !!

   I always give 110% at everything I do. Mostly because I'm not very aware of how percentages work. Math is hard.

   I hate it when I don't have someone to do in the morning.

   Problems in your relationship? There's a blow job for that.

   Walmart. The only place in America where you can buy shrimp and underwear in the same store.

   I'm Mexican and Filipino. No matter how you look at me, I'm good at cleaning.

   Beauty tip: Having a bad hair day? Solution: Wear a low cut blouse.

   Dear Santa, Please define good.

   If office printers weren't meant to fly they wouldn't have paper jams.

   The police man in my area is so rude. So I'm speeding. What's the big deal? How I'm supposed to drive a stolen car?

   I hate it when I tell someone I'll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway.

   Note to all my FB Friends: As we all know, the end of the world will be tomorrow. So with that being said.... I think you are all a bunch of idiots!