Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I just spelled "diarrhea" correctly on my first try! I'd be more happy about this if it wasn't for all this diarrhea.

   How the Grinch Stole Christmas is my favorite holiday special about a burglar whose crimes go wholly unpunished.

   Ladies and Gentlemen, the end of the world has been postponed due to lack of interest .

   Word to the wise - make sure the phone is 100% hung up before you call someone an a$$hole.

   Male lions fight to impress the females. Bears do it, crocodiles do it and even men do it. Moral of the story: Females get you killed!!

   Banning Ke$ha's song is almost as embarrassing as admitting you even play Ke$ha on your radio station!

   You look friendly. I'll go sit somewhere else.

   Boss: Why are you drinking wine at your desk? Me: Holiday party! Boss: What holiday party? Me: My point exactly you cheap old fart.

   Has someone cleared up what " Live everyday like its your last" actually involved exactly? Need to know today for real lol

   since the world is ending tomorrow you should send pictures of your breasts now before it's too late

   I hate when girls start fights over stupid shi t like whether or not the kid is mine.

   Why does paper beat rock? if you hold a paper in front of your face and I throw a rock at it who wins?

   Anybody else watch the Miss Universe contest last night???? I still say its riged, I have never seen anyone from another universe in that contest!!!

   If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. I'll tell you more.

   It is already December 21, 2012 in Australia and nothing happened.

   Right now there is a mayan somewhere out there yelling "SIKE"

   The best part about shopping at Wal-Mart is getting the whole soap/personal care section all to yourself.

   My American friends take a moment to "g00gle" "idlenomore" your Canadian neighbours are starting a revolution one tweet at a time...

   The world is ending tomorrow & we still don't know who let the dogs out, what is love, & Where's Waldo ,or Victoria's secret

   My generation should be on Survivor!! This will be the 54th "end of the world" we have endured!! The Tribe has spoken....We are badas$$!