Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Men think girls don't get mad for no reason. there's always a reason. no matter how small it is or how dumb it is. it's still considered a reason

   Santa, you either take my name off the Naughty list, or I show Mrs. Claus those pictures of you with that little blonde elf that works in the Doll department!

   My right eye has been twitching for the past hour. Is this what it's like to have a hobby?

   when you see a super hot girl on a dating website, you know she's a train wreck...

   I asked a Mexican bartender for a double entendre,,, So he gave me Juan.

   I despise dictatorships... All dictators should be shot,,, and if anybody disagrees with me,,, they should be shot as well.

   I'm taking my family to see the Nutcracker on Saturday. Of course I'm talking about my mother-in-law, not the show.

   I'm so glad they brought back the McRib for the Holidays...I always wanted an angioplasty for Christmas! ツ

   Go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.

   I wish I had the remote for the tornado sirens that could make friday a little more interesting around here

   I cried during that sad emotional part of Titanic, when all the crunchy lobsters drowned, what a great supper they would have made!!

   Am happy no one has noticed today is 20/12 2012

   I'm really shy at first. But once you get to know me, prepare to meet the craziest lunatic you will ever meet ;)

   Girlfriend texted me, "I have tried my best to make this relationship work but I seem to be the only one trying. So I have decided to break up with you and move on with my life. Can you delete my number and never contact me." I replied, "Who's this?"

   LIES PSYCHO WOMEN TELL: "I swear I have moved on"

   Dear world, please don't end till after after my four day weekend is complete. Thank you.

   thinks it'll just be my luck to win the Lottery tonight ...... and the world WILL end tomorrow!

   When the world ends tomorrow, I hope it is after 5:00 pm, because I won't get paid for the holiday if I don't work Friday.

   If you can't spell TATTOO your not old enough to get one. So get yourself a Sharpie and a crash helmet.

   "You know you´re fat when no one has ever mentioned that you´re ginger" - Adele