Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "MOM, WE'RE OUT OF TAMPONS!!" - Justin Bieber

   Well my dentist is getting a stool sample whether he wants one or not.

   Gangnam style should hit 1billion YouTube hits by 21st December. .. well played Mayans

   Instagram says it now can sell your pics without your permission. Good luck making money with pictures of Cups of coffee, Cupcakes & clouds.

   despite the contradictory advice circulated in the late '90s, if you wanna be my lover, please do not get with my friends.

   Maybe the Mayans meant it'd be the end of shows like Idol, all things Kardashian & every reality show with "Wives" in the title.

   Relax. If the Mayans were good at predicting the future, there would still be Mayans.

   When my boyfriend couldn't get me off last night, I slapped him in the face and yelled, "See! This is why you can't have nice things!"

   Just renewed my annual parking pass for the friendzone.

   I'm bored. I think I'll get pregnant.

   If I get a teardrop tattoo, do the welfare checks come to the house or is it direct deposit?

   95% of my problems can be traced back to waiting on a man to do the right thing.

   let's get married but instead of kids we have nachos!

   Just yelled at the kids to go to bed, saying "Don't make me come in there!". Which is what I should've told myself during their conception.

   Don't mistake post sex cuddling for “I want you to be my girlfriend.”

   Ladies: When you paint your toe nails, please shave the hair off your big toe. Thanks.

   Ever notice how white women over 40 can't dance without clapping?

   I "don't lock my phone," love you.

   If you can spell chlamydia or gonorrhea without spell check, my money is on you having had it a time or 10 too many.

   The only way your world is ending on the 21st is if you get married that day.