Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The girls that say that all guys want is sex, are usually the ones who have only that to offer.

   I wonder how hard J-LO has to laugh for her ass to fall off?

   When you think about it, it's probably best not to think about it.

   Cool Facts: Music can help reduce chronic pain by more than 20% and can alleviate depression by up to 25%. Unless you listen to Adelle... then all bets are off!

   I just found 20 dollars! I guess good things do happen to bad people!

   If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn't invite me over.

   I bet socks and disposable contact lenses have abandonment issues

   I'm always let down when I see a fat kid on a seesaw by himself and nobody falls from the sky

   The real Christmas miracle is how quick I go broke

   Every day is only a beer away from being a good one

   I think it'd be more fun if cops pulled people over with red and green lights this time of year

   My teacher gave me an F today on my paper, because she said the Bible wasn't a reliable source

   The thing I hate most about getting too drunk at my office Christmas party, is looking for a new job the next day.

   NASA has confirmed that on December 21, late afternoon, the sky will go very dark. It is an interesting phenomenon called "night".

   Looking on the bright side, if the Mayans are right, this is the last Monday we'll ever have to deal with.

   Money does not change people it only shows their true character whether being generous or selfish

   You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

   Grammar: The difference between feeling you're nuts, and feeling your nuts.

   The internet does not make people ignorant, it just makes their ignorance visible to everyone else.

   My ex-wife has a seashell tattoo on her inner thigh... if you put your ear to it, I swear you could smell the ocean!