Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Kristin Stewart doesn't look bored to me. She looks just like all the girls I have sex with.

   Great first it was the Movie theater early this yr, then the Mall random shootings, no its kids at the elementary level...... Can we put praying back in school now?

   There is no more horrible death than the one of a poor tree that ends up being a Twilight book.

   Maybe if you had a perfect attendance record in school as you do in the club your life would be better off.

   Today I caught my grandpa urinating with the door open. Which is no big deal, but it's annoying when I'm trying to drive.

   The school shooting happened at Sandy Hook Elementary? Sandy is officially the worst name of 2012.

   God got kicked out of our schools and the devil walked right on in......

   Never take for granite what you have. No matter how naughty they are, appreciate they are healthy and alive. Pray for those touched by this tragedy. I can't even imagine.

   Thanks iPhone autocorrect, I'm sure my dad wanted to know that I miss going on our weekend fisting trips. Fml

   Just paid 2 dollars in quarters to put air in my tire... This inflation is out of control.

   Hey know what's more fun than a baby who has just learned to take off his own diaper?.......... everything...........everything is more fun than that

   That moment when you spend 20 minutes making all the christmas lights work, then putting them nicely along the ceiling, then stand back to look at the beautiful setup up.. Plug them in... And BAM, they don't work....\

   Every Maine-ah,,, at the age of 10 has to battle a moose to the death, using only the aid of 4 beavers...

   It's ok if you don't like my personality,,, I've got others.

   Her: Your Not listening!!!! Me: How can I listen to you if you dont say the things I want to hear...Woman????

   My girlfriend wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an I'm asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we're not as connected as she'd like. I

   Don't ignore my texts, I know you check your phone 24/7.

   Careful what you write on my FB. My wonderful, charming, brilliant boss reads everyone's email and st@tus Commments! Even if your not his friends he is always on top of things, such a wonderful boss!.....

   I'm eating nothing but comfort food tonight...cookies, ice cream, pizza. I don't even care, but I think I'm starting to like food way more than people.

   Well, if you had to grow up with bad food, bad teeth, bad music, and a Euro-Economy....life really is not worth living for.....is it?