Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I say "do I smell popcorn" right after I fart, so everyone takes in a deep breath.

   A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don't need to dress half naked to get a man's attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.

   I'm not saying she's a slut, but she's been pounded more than the I in Pixar.

   Now that I think about it, the Good Humor man never said anything funny. But, who needs a personality when you have ice cream?

   All I'm saying is black actors never adopt poor white babies. Pretty selfish, blactors.

   There's a special place in he'll for autocorrect.

   Whoever cast J-Lo in the movie "Anaconda" was a genius, because anacondas don't want none unless you got buns, hun.

   i've lived through 1/1/1, 2/2/2, 3/3/3, 4/4/4, 5/5/5, 6/6/6, 7/7/7, 8/8/8, 9/9/9, 10/10/10, 11/11/11, and tomorrow is 12/12/12. I'm cool

   Showing your friend a funny video on YouTube and constantly checking their face to make sure they're enjoying it…

   Dear Coworkers, all I want for Christmas is you... to not talk to me before 9am.

   It's beginning to look a lot like 80s on my ATARI 7800 system

   Santa saw your Facebook pictures. …You're getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas

   11:11 I wish- 11:12 OMG I wasn't finished!

   i gotta carry my phone around with me 24/7 just in case nobody texts me

   I have to take a dump, but my iPhone battery life is at 5%

   My favorite color is Nutella.

   Leaving the house would be so much cooler if someone would yell “Aaaaand Action!” as I walk out the door.

   So let me get this straight. A woman who has fake hair, nails, eyelashes, breasts, lips, buttocks, as well as a fake tan also has the nerve to ask for a real man?

   I was notified that I've been chosen to be the new "Adam" on Mars. They've selected an Eve. I hope to G0d she remembers to bring the snake and the apple.

   who cares how it's spelled or its scientific properties....to argue over it instead of drink it tells ur losers