Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I eat every meal like I'm going to be deported to Africa the next day or something.

   This waking up and doing stuff seems like a thing we have to put up with for quite a while.

   I'm the Albert Einstein of avoiding eye contact in public.

   I don't understand why anyone would sleep when they can stay up thinking about every wrong decision they've made. It doesn't make sense.

   It's weird that when a normal girl dates a lot guys she's called many insulting things but when a celebrity does it she's Taylor Swift.

   So you think you can fly a plane would be a fun show to watch...

   My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn't like it when I use other toothpastes...

   Why did the Gingerbread Man go to the Doctor?...............He was feeling Crummy

   Autocorrect has to be my worst enema.

   It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! People are definitely getting in the holiday spirit, CRABBY, GRABBY and RUDE!

   CLAUStrophobia = The Fear of Santa Claus !

   I saw some girl texting and driving the other day and it really pissed me off. So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.

   Not to get technical ...but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.

   hey alcohol is a compound not a solution, guess you should have paid more attention in chemistry clss huh?

   It's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas!

   Technolgy....Have you have been on the house phone and dialed the number and looked for the send button?

   Alcohol in its pure form is not a solution ( nobody should ever drink pure alcohol ) , but vodka, tequilla, rhum and whatever are solutions... So yeah, I paid pretty good attention in my chemistry class :-)

   I always hold the door open for ladies, but they never want to get in the van...

   If a zombie apocalypse were to happen in Vegas... would it stay in Vegas?

   I used to think air was free. Then I bought a bag of potato chips...