Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'd rather watch a candle melt than play a game on Facebook

   With the "end of the world" coming in 11 days I feel confident making a prediction.......September 2013 will have one of the highest birth rates on record.

   Kate Middleton's fetus is already richer than I'll ever be. :(

   It's not officially the holiday season until I've ignored a Salvation Army Santa.

   My main plan for success is that all the better people quit first.

   My pet butterfly just got a tattoo of my lower back.

   I just met a nerdy spider. He`s a web designer.

   Economists are predicting that "black Friday" sales figures will pale in comparison to "the Mayans were wrong Saturday " sales figures...

   Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn't fix your face.

   When your girlfriend says do what ever you want. Do not do what ever you want!

   likes to pretend he is in a parade when he is stuck in traffic.

   what do you do with 365 used condoms, melt them down and call it a goodyear...

   dear Hollywood: When you find an action star who's not gay and taller than the girl, let me know...

   light beer, fruit flavored booze, turkey burgers...why do we have to pussify everything good??

   Never trust a diet program where the inventor posts only head shots of themselves.

   I hate when you offer someone a sincere complement on their mustache...and then she won't talk to you anymore.

   Doctor's can no longer tell people they are fat... Stupid Hippo laws.

   "Together forever" said no sock ever.

   LEON- Mathilda, nothing's the same after you've killed someone.. Your life is changed forever. You have to sleep with one eye open for the rest of your life...

   Have you ever wanted to punch someone in the face simply because their laugh is so annoying?? Or is it just me?