Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   My ring tone is a woman faintly screaming 'Help me, Superman. Help me!' and then I run away, unexplained.

   I guess "Cyber Monday" is NOT what I thought it was. Just got served with 3 restraining orders. :(

   My girl is burping like she doesn't think I'm still gonna try and have sex with her tonight.

   If you search “askew” in google search, the page will tilt slightly clockwise. (Try it now).

   Happy Merry ChristmaHanuKwanziDays

   It's a well known fact... buying cheap toilet-paper can lead to a self violation.

   Ask Goggle to 'do a barrel roll'. Hang on to your hat!

   If you search “idiot” in google search, the page will do nothing. (Try it anyways)

   Missed the winning lottery number only by 6 numbers.

   These spaghetti-o's taste like I don't get paid until tomorrow.

   Ever notice when someone posts a pic of several women, the h0ttest ones are never t@gged?

   The recent break up of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez has left a void in my list of things I don't give a toot about.

   I just had a big lunch at Taco Bell... Now I'm off to the woods to prove a point.......... :Yogi Bear

   I'm beginning to think that "love" really doesn't mean much to tennis players...

   Someone should sit Lindsay Lohan down and force her to watch that episode of Saved by the Bell where Jessie was addicted to caffeine pills.

   I would love to be a fly on the wall at this restaurant because it looks like the flies are having some kind of party on the wall!

   Some say the world ends in lees than a month... My question is this: If the world ends are we better off than 4 more years of Obama?.... Discuss...

   You find out who your real friends are when all you have left to offer is friendship.

   It's so cold out the hookers downtown are charging 20 bucks to blow on your hands.

   There's something to be said for HOT coffee and Bailey's on a COLD day such as this ;)