Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Having sex doesn't make you a s?ut, and being a virgin doesn't make you a saint.

   EX means ..'' thanks for the EXperience , your time has EXpired , now EXit in my life . !

   The nicer you are, the easier it is for you to get hurt

   One day you're the main suspect.....the next you're not even a person of interest.

   You don't get smarter as you get older. There just aren't any stupid things left that you haven't already done.

   My bed is a magical place where I can suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.

   Hate mondays, annoy tuesdays, ignore wednesdays, smile thursdays, love fridays, enjoy saturdays, damn sundays.

   Dear Taco Bell, Can you please include people drinking beer and getting high in your commercials. Sincerely, your core demographic.

   I wish I loved anything as much as drunk girls love taking pictures.

   eating some thanksgiving pie still with some cooh whip...cant have pie without cooh whip

   Sorry about the cold weather, everybody. I didn't realize I put my new air conditioner in backwards.

   the worst part of being naked is not having pockets

   If anyone catches me singing in my car, my immediate reaction is to stare at them until it's equally awkward for both of us.

   Please support our non-profit organization for terminally I'll witnesses and informers, Snitches Get Wishes.

   The Long Island Medium shoulda been able to find victims of Sandy way easier than the corpse sniffin dogs

   It's Cyber Sex Monday :)

   Bed good outside bad!

   The main thing I've discovered about facebook is...there are lots of b0ring people out there.

   Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road, I'm gonna leave and come back dressed as Santa with a sign that says "Help, need ride!"

   okay...who the hell keeps kicking my shoes under the bed.