Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Women need to stop acting like their body isn't a man's property.

   I miss when a girl hit you it meant she liked you and you chased her around the playground. Now when she hits you, it's with her car.

   A real man will always find time for his woman, even if it means blowing off a date with his mistress.

   Chairs outside a women's fitting room are usually leather, sitting on a tile floor. For easy clean-up after husbands commit suicide there.

   What's a good Christmas gift for the woman who already has everything except morals?

   Turn to me for spiritual guidance, then turn away from me for doggy style.

   Read my lips...$1,600,000,000,000 in new taxes... Thanks Obama.

   I tried cooking with wine for the first time last night ...After 5 glasses I forgot why I was in the kitchen.

   says Read my lips...$1,600,000,000,000 in new taxes... Thanks GOP Congress

   You have to be 18 to tickle Elmo.

   realize that when someone says, "The last thing I want to do is hurt you," basically implies that there is a list and hurting you is on it.

   You know you are playing too much scrabble when you try to use the cursor to change channels on the TV. I thought the darn batteries were used up.

   Being Arab doesn't make you a bad person. It just increases the chances.

   Apparently you read my lips since you deleted the post A HOLE!

   I play Tetris. So yeah, I'm a problem solver.

   Humans are the only creatures on earth that will cut down trees, make paper, then write "Save Trees" on them...

   I really hope popcorn appreciates what the microwave did for its career...

   Write me your opinions on this extra soft paper and leave it next to my toilet.

   There's nothing worse than being suck in traffic and having to take a dump

   I just had to explain hobbits to another human being; I am outraged.