Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   HEADLINE - Bieber & Gomez split up! This was my rock, my reason for living - what is left, my world is crumbling around me - how will I continue living ? Wait.. where am I ? I thought this was an article about Captain Crunch being discontinued.

   Bieber & Gomez split up? Does this mean he is finally coming out of the closet?

   Day 10 - I am thankful for toilet paper... no explaination needed.

   I've single handedly defeated my erection...

   whether its for you or her. Women want more Mouth in the South.

   difference between jam and jelly..I cant jelly my D..k into her mouth

   It is good to be regular people, at least no one will know when you have affair.

   I hate when I'm driving and I get lost. I'm at the intersection of Martin Luther King Blvd. and Reverend Al Sharpton Way. No biggie, I'll just get out and ask for directions.

   I will immediately switch over to the iphone the moment they replace Siri's voice with the voice of Kate Beckinsale.

   My friend wanted to use my apartment to clone himself,,, I said “Please, make yourself at home”

   I'm very, very, very descriptive

   It has been a bad week for Elephants !!

   Million dollar idea; Toilet paper with the Quran printed on it!

   Driving down the road and I see a sign that says "Speed Inforced By Aircraft" So I went a little faster....how cool would it be to get pulled over by a plane?

   Bored? Send a text message to a random number saying: "Im Pregnant

   I hope popcorn appreciates what the microwave did for its career.

   Well, with no shave November, Halo 4 and Black Ops 2 this month, I'm predicting teen pregnancy will be at an all time low

   Girls who say, "a lot of guys are after me", should keep in mind that low prices always attract many customers

   To me, drink responsibly means don't f?cking spill it

   Black chicks always saying a white girl is "trying to act black." Meanwhile, they have blonde weave and sky blue contacts.