Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Congratulations to all who won in the election and my condolences to all who have lost I wish you all the best in the future. Now please get your dayum signs off my street corners. Have a great day.

   My brain will dispose of you in a split second, my heart on the other hand will hold on like a hoarder.

   Denver is going to be the mile "really" high city...

   You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.

   Some things get in the way of my happiness so I ignore them.

   My love comes with more terms and conditions than iTunes.

   I need a hug. From your thighs.

   I thought she was trying to tell me that masturbation was wrong. What she was really saying was she didn't want me doing it in her kitchen.

   Whoa whoa whoa. Stand down, nipples. It's just a little chilly weather, nothing to get excited about.

   I'm 7 1/2 hours into my 8hour workday, from here on out my payroll is for me and my family. You're welcome America!

   After spending over millions of dollar on the Election Campaing, I heard Romney is broke now..... He can clean up my neighbors yards with all them Rep. signs, i'll pay him in food stamps.

   Everyday I thank the Lord Bear Grylls doesn't have his own cooking show

   If Evolution were REALLY a real thing,,,,, A LONG time ago, Men would have developed a defence to the ole "kick in the nuts"

   I came a long way in therapy with my weird obsession of using shapes and numbers, but yesterday I slipped up and now I'm back to square one.

   Breaking news: Colorado will soon be re-named Little Amsterdam and will host Cheech and Chong Headquarters. Also there will be a state Bong: Chong's Bongs! that is all!

   What? As of 22:00 GMT, Obama got 60,432,775 votes. Romney got 57,631,452 votes.

   I wish all my younger siblings would appreciate how low I set the bar for them

   Figured I could get both of today's major statuses out of the way today with one word: Snowbama!

   I'm making a list of people I like. The ones who say "autumn" instead of "fall" are the first ones I'm crossing off

   I wish I could move out of country now, however immigrant laws of other countries prevent me from doing that... I hear the U.S is pretty lenient on immigrants, I might try there.... Doooope