Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If I had 10 nutter butter cookies and you took 5 away, what would you have...That's right, a black eye an a broke hand!

   Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.

   I bet the taliban is watching Honey Boo Boo saying "We can now watch them destroy themselves."

   With all do respect to Whitney (may she RIP), why did she not fix her child's teeth!!

   Good news...I got my power back! No, not my electricity, my invisibility. You look nice tonight.

   I never realized how strong I was...until being strong is the only choice I have left ♡

   C0ndoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

   There's a reason why natural disasters have female names.

   If you ever see me drinking alcohol (I don't drink) or see me being a slut (I'm a good girl).......whatever you do, don't stop me.

   I greet all conflict with a joke, a smile and a laugh. It's not that I'm the bigger man. It just makes my enemies hate me so much more.

   Sorry young dub-steppers. We used up all the best drugs and beats 15 years ago. Back to the drawing board, kids

   I thought I had a real feeling today. Turned out I was just sober.

   I like woman who are mentally stable and sexually unstable.

   Funny how when a woman is drunk and walks in your door to have violent sex, it's all fun. But when I do the same thing, I'm being arrested?

   I bite my own lip because I can't bite yours.

   The doctor said to treat my daughter's scratch with alcohol, so I kissed it.

   I don't mean to brag, but I unclog all my own pipes.

   You're not a real man until you've electrocuted yourself.

   Oh I get it. Winnie the Pooh Bear can climb a tree with no pants, but when I have a few drinks and do it, people start freaking out.

   Great minds think alike. But dirty minds think the same.