Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Almost time to get me a bag of assorted candy. Last year I got mine from Batman. Superhero my ass. He wasn't as tall as I expected... and he cried like a little kid.

   I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.

   The wall clock at work seems to be stuck on half past f*ck this sh*t o' clock.

   Just remember when you are handing kids candy for coming to your door that you may be creating a future Jehovah's Witness.

   Tell me what you want, so I can be sure to ignore you more efficiently.

   Gangnam Style is a clear example that Americans don't give a crap about lyrics

   Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.

   Finally - there is going to be a Disney Princess dad's won't have to be ashamed to admit they like... Princess Liea.

   mad props to New York for dressing up as New Orleans for Halloween.

   ┐('.'┐) ┐('.'┐) (┌'.')┌ ┐('.'┐) (┌'.')┌ (┌'.')┌ Cause this is Thriiiiiiilleeeeeeer

   Any kids dressed as Obama, who have worked real hard and have a bunch of candy, will be required to give it to me, cause I had rather have took a nap instead of collecting my own candy. Thank you!

   Obama standing next to Chris Christie. They looked like the number 10.

   You Know You Are Too Drunk to Go Trick-or-treating:...When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over... When the door opens, you yell "Trick or...." and you can't remember the rest...

   This year for Halloween, New Jersey is dressing up like New Orleans.

   I say the candidates do us all a favor and stop the annoying commercial/adds on TV and donate that money to help those affected by Sandy.

   A kid came to my door dressed as Tony Romo. I asked him why he had no candy in his bag. He said he used to but he turned it over.

   with friends like these..who needs enemas?

   Passed a vampire, a zombie, and a prostitute on the way to work tonight. Not sure which ones were in costume...

   Halloween is the only day out of the year you can have a white van full of little kids and not have your motives questioned.

   A shout out to all of the beautiful women who don't need to dress trashy to attract a man..... But party at my place for all those who do