Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Today's World : You Keep your friends close, your enemies closer and your relatives as far away as possible

   I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things

   When you decide to not talk bad about people, it really shortens the conversation

   I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew..

   " a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"

   When someone says "You just made my day," it makes my day..

   Don't cry, that onion didn't deserve you anyways.

   I am not saying I am Batman..but answer me this have you ever seen me and Batman together ?.....

   ‎"Fungry" The State Of Being Hungry.!

   yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.."

   ave you ever thought about this..."How does your stomach know to send the burps to the mouth and the farts to your bum?....

   I was just told I'm someones BFF. Being the idiot I am, I had to google it. Backup-file Format is a euphemism for something hot right?

   If you want to remove wrinkles, pimples, face marks & the 7 signs of skin-aging, try 'Adobe Photoshop'!

   I want my tombstone to read "I have finally cured my addiction to oxygen""

   Halloween on Humpday......I like where this is going.

   In the movie 2012 the first thing that flooded was New York and now it is 2012 and New York is flooding. Just saying. !!

   Growing up,,, My daughter always wanted to be a "Disney" princess,,,,, : Darth Vader

   It's Halloween B itches! Bring on the booze!!!

   Disney purchased Lucasfilms, LTD?? I personally can't wait for some of those gems to start coming out. Particularly, Snow White and the Seven Storm Troopers, Swiss Family Skywalker and - my favorite - Song of the Sith...

   Stalking: When two people go for a long romantic walk together, but only one of them knows about it.