Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm hoping my see through white shirt will distract everyone from the fact I'm not wearing make-up today

   I passed out on the sidewalk, because a jeep full of douchebags, wearing too much Axe Body spray just went by.

   Women don't fart until they get married... that's when they get an a$$hole.

   My whole life flashes in front of me when I hear the words ‘We need to talk'.

   I'm from Canada, we use the metric system, so 'third base' means 'butt stuff'.

   I hope I can kill my feelings before my liver.

   Maybe I should get married. Its not like I have sex anyway.

   You guys can laugh at my cargo pants all you want, but I just walked out of Taco Bell with 350 sauce packets.

   I believe she prefers to be called Hurricane Sandra, until she blows you then you may call her Sandy.

   If a woman is uncomfortable watching you masturbate, she: A. Has intimacy issues B. Is frigid C. Needs to sit somewhere else on the bus

   I'm allowed to punch obnoxious girls since I'm g@y, right?

   If he makes you laugh, kisses your forehead, says hes sorry, makes an effort, holds your hand, attempts to understand you. Hes totally cheating on you.

   Be safe, New Yorkers. Stay away from large sugary drinks and stuff.

   I`m gonna dress up like Sandy for Halloween, think that costume will blow people away!

   If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween?

   I'm so sorry. I didn't see you there. And after all this time no less. I wasn't ignoring you, you simply don't matter that much anymore. Please forgive me, yet my feelings will remain unchanged, Myspace phone app.

   I'm happier than a busload of f@t ladies on the way to a Bon Jovi concert.

   My favorite Disney princess is now Princess Leia.

   Another NBA season...and Chris Bosh is still ugly.

   If you play Justin Bieber backwards you get hidden messages from the devil himself to pull yourself together and listen to something else.