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The Steelers must have partied hard last night...They're still wearing their Halloween costumes! ツ 
Bands will make her dance, Food Stamps will make her twerk. But if Romne why becomes president, yall hos will have to work.
If she really loves her cat, then that's who's making the most important decisions in her life.
Sorry I haven't been around much guys. Been out having sex and doing things. Minus the sex and things
I'm knee deep in pu$$y. Seriously, my 19 cats love the hell outta me.
Every woman thinks she's fat except the ones that are.
So drunk I am eating spaghetti with a comb.
Just saw a homeless man with a blue tooth. It was his only tooth.
I'm not full of hate. There's still room for a little more.
Give me Cunnilingus or give me death.
I want to be the reason your pants tighten.
Just saw a laundry soap advertisement showing how it can even remove dried up blood stains off of clothing. If you're clothing is covered in dried blood, I'm thinking that's not your biggest problem.
My bud just updated his Facebook status: "I love my girlfriend so much. You are my world xxxxx." I wonder why her name's encrypted.
"Hurricane Sandy roars up the east coast generating 80mph winds and substantial precipitation." Big deal. Want to impress me? Stand directly in front of my GF after I come home drunk from the bar at 3am for more then 5 minutes.
The only way to be the best husband or boyfriend in the world is by listening and not talking.
I want my 15 mins of fame to happen in the bedroom.
There is nothing a drunk me and some bullets can't fix.
Woman, us men salute you. Your ability to take a load in the eye and up the nose when we miss your mouth, like a champ, is recognised
Hey Bill, do you talk to your wife during sex..."Only if there is a phone handy!!"
I went to the store today to stock up on bread, beer, and Captain Morgan just in case Hurricane Sandy decides to double back to NC..... Always good to be prepared...
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