Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   My biggest fear of Hurricane Sandy is that i'll lose power and can't Facebook.

   Bruno Mars looks like a nice lesbian. I think he and Justin Bieber would make a cute interr@cial couple.

   I dont ask much of my women, just call me Daddy and do everything I say.

   Angry drunks have everyone's phone number.

   Face down, ass up, skip yoga, chase the icecream truck.

   One of the office girls just told me she does yoga. I innocently said yoga is more of a spectator sport for me. Off to HR again…

   Tell me everything but dont use words.

   Sometimes I wonder if my mind is an amusement park for demons.

   Does it count as saving someone's life if you just refrain from killing them?

   Kind people without hidden agendas rock my world.

   going to the toilet solely to masturbate called a number 3?

   I hate those see through elevators because that's my damn time to pick my nose in private.

   If I call you cupcake it's because I'm probably going to put my vanilla frosting on your forehead.

   My girlfriend stripped teased for me last night. Well, she's not really my girlfriend, and I had to pay a cover charge.

   Raise your right hand if you were home schooled. No, your other right hand.

   Watching post Halloween walks of shame is the best.

   I'm 94% sure I'm going to die in a running in flip flops incident.

   I put the 'extra vag' in extravaganza

   Felt kinda weird to tell my old School bus dricer that she's too old for me now.

   Having mutual friends with someone does not mean you should add them on Facebook. It's like a stranger knocking on your door and saying, "Hey we both know Mike, John, and Sara. You mind if I come in?"