Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   my ex-girlfriend walked by me today with her new boyfriend, they both laughed, so I smiled and told him "you must be use to having seconds"

   Brrrr it's cold in here....Need a fire PIT...Would you be my fire pit??....I got wood!!!

   I wear a hoodie and shorts cause half of me don't give a s hit and half of me is cold…

   Smart enough to know better. Stupid enough to try. Stubborn enough to make it work, no matter what.

   Shut the hell up and do me. - How arguments should end.

   Made up Word of the Day: Dysfucktional.

   I bet before the judges enter their courtrooms, they smack each other on the ass and say, "Now get out there and do some justice."

   Its bad enough humour has dried up around these parts but now we have to resort to r acial humour? Really?

   Boy, they don't like when you go up for seconds at church.

   How women see word problems If Dan buys 6 pears, 4 apples & 5 oranges. How many women did that son of a b itch check out while he was there?

   It's not stalking if she doesn't know

   In video games I always get killed by the black zombies, and I can't shoot 'em because of the r acism thing.

   Quitting whilst you're ahead is all very well until it comes to sex.

   I'm the type of person that gets distracted by the race between the grey & red bars on Youtube, and forgets about the video.

   The only thing you accomplish by getting all riled up is producing entertainment for others.

   Next time you're depressed just imagine Kristen Stewart on a swing.

   Life is too valuable to hold grudges. Forgive and move on

   The guy who came up with the spelling of the word Wednesday was probably the same lame ass who showed up to the party on time.

   If I'm old enough to be your mother we can't date. Just kidding. Go ask for your allowance and buy me a drink.

   When a status starts out with “I seen”, it never ends with “in a book I once read.”