Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It's that time of year again. Scary decorations, terrifying advertising, and random people going door to door. Election season.

   When you get home this evening, surprise your family by kicking the door in.

   Being Hugh Hefner's ex is as prestigious as being tall enough to get on a carnival ride.

   I love to put a box of cheerios in the mouth of the loved one that snores everynight

   "Well that's the last time I ever take one of those spinning classes... felt like an idiot being the only one twirling around in the middle of the room while everyone else sat & looked at me like I was stupid :~("

   Everyone you meet comes with baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.

   I'm sick of having to pick up women's jaws after I walk into rooms.

   I always do things for the wrong reason. Like, watch the World Series for the organ music interludes.

   Keep on scrolling. I don't want any trouble.

   ;•į <~~ one eye drunk texting face!

   As I was filling up my gas tank I realized I didn't want to eat this week anyways.

   3 people having sex: Threesome. 2 people having sex: Twosome. You having sex: HANDsome

   I don't call it "Drinking Coffee" I prefer "Installing Java."

   "He died doing what he loved, which was clinging to life and trying not to die, which he was very good at until recently."

   "I was country, when country wasn't cool"....newflash...it still isn't.

   Got a job at Bed, Bath, & Beyond. I start tomorrow. In the Beyond department.

   Ever notice the word "bed" looks like one?

   I'm allergic to tequila, I break out in handcuffs.

   Lady GaGa just signed a deal with a major corporation to represent her new clothing line. Hillshire Farms.

   Last years Halloween hand-outs of cough drops and marbles were such a hit, I'll be adding baby aspirin and cod liver oil to this years rotation....Trick-or treat! ツ