Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Oh man, I almost forgot about The Alamo.

   If you start caring about yourself than people will also start caring about you.

   in California a maltese dog cost around $1000, You can buy the same dog in Vietnam for 5 dollars and it includes a side of fries and a drink.

   The last time I saw a vag!na was apparently, the last time.

   I wish everyone would stop criticising Jimmy Savile. When I was 8, he fixed it for me to milk a cow blindfolded.

   Facebook needs a button that's the equivalent of kicking someone under the table to stop them from making a fool of themselves.

   Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.

   Kissing is weird as hell. "Um I really like you so I'm going to taste the inside of your face for a little while."

   if you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.

   I love sitting with her at night, holding hands, imagining life without her.

   I'm going as drunk homeless girl for Halloween, because no costume needed and I can pass out on the neighbors lawn with no questions asked.

   If there's anything I teach my daughter it will be to not ignore the nerds. Those people grow up to be sexy!

   Tonight, I'm gonna party like I have $19.99.

   You never see zombies in wheelchairs.

   If it doesn't kill you, kill it before it tries again!

   Almost a billion dollars have been spent on campaign ads so far. It's a good thing our schools and economy are in great shape or I'd be mad.

   Yes if you're looking for someone who's "healthy" for you...definitely don't look my way.

   What if STDs were spread through COPY and PASTE?!?

   I wonder how many times Michelle reminds Barack that he's only half black??

   What people call Pharmaceutical doctors, I call legal drug dealers. Medically certified to kill you. *Ask your doctor if this status is right for you*