Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I just dropped my bong and it broke :, ( life is cruel!!

   I am having debate withdrawal....So I'm heading to 7-11 now to spar with clerk about gas prices and Iranian sanctions.

   A ghost could be humping you right now and you would never know.

   If intelligent people don't start procreating faster than the trash in “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo,” we're all heading towards a very dismal future. Am I the only one seeing this?

   If the stories are true, some guy in my gym could be the next Tour de France winner!

   Destroying my chances at getting elected to public office on Facebook post at a time.

   If you never whined and begged your mom for a quarter to put in the trinket machine in the front of the grocery store and then ended up chasing a bouncy ball down isle 9 and knocking over a pyramid of potted meat then your childhood probably sucked.

   People with a sense of humor are so much easier to talk to and get along with.

   Dreamt I went to the gym so, I'm counting that as a workout.

   brought to you today...by the neighbor's router

   Can I add you on Facebook ? Cos I would like to Poke you

   I like to go to Best Buy and drink a cup of coffee in front of the Geek Squad guys then hand them my empty cup and tell them I successfully installed Java....they hate me

   Throw a stranger a surprise party by putting confetti inside their closed umbrella when they're not looking

   I wish "you dumbass" was an appropriate way to end a work email

   I didn't hear the sea when I held a Shell up. I did however get 6 years in jail for armed robbery on a Gas Station

   My ideal job is probably just singing the "Not this time" part in that En Vogue song "My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)".

   Throw a stranger a surprise party by putting confetti inside their closed umbrella when they're not looking!

   Two days ago Lance Armstrong had 7 more Tour De Frances than me. This has been quite a comeback from me.

   If Kal-El, son of Jor-El had landed in Jamaica instead of in Kansas, he would be known as 'Supermon'.

   I try to look on the bright side of everything, except for the sun, because it burns my retinas